theshamelesswanderer

The Musings of My Mind

Category: truth

Journal

Yo peeps.

It’s a little early to say this, considering the fact that we’re three days in, but I’m liking October. Well, so far. There’ve been a few moments that I’m not ranting and raving about, but for the most part, I’ve been able to maintain a positive attitude, not to mention an open mind, that’s allowed me to start off this month on a good note. With that being said, I just have two or three things on my mind that I would like to discuss. The first thing on my agenda is slut shaming. We’ve all heard the term, we know what it is, and yes, I’m that radical person. I was on Instagram earlier this morning and a friend of mine posted a little meme of a movie that I wasn’t familiar with. Though, I liked the picture because I liked what it said.

“Be a slut. Do whatever you want.”

To which, someone (a fellow lady) responded by saying, “that’s exactly what’s wrong with the world. All the girls are whores.”

Uhhh, what?! Before I even rip this chick to shreds, do you happen to know every woman walking this great, big (kind of small, actually) earth? Are you inspecting every woman’s snatch and measuring the width to determine just how much of a whore this woman is? Oh. I didn’t think so. I should’ve told her to shut the F up, but I’m not one for internet drama, or drama at all, so I rolled my eyes and kept scrolling. Here’s the deal: who the fuck cares? Oh, that’s right, society. These invisible/made up rules, codes, standards and morals that plague women is sickening. Why does, or should, it matter how many people she, they, we have slept with? Whose business is it, if not my very fucking own? Like you’re really going to give me shit for something that DOES NOT AFFECT YOU? I had to capitalize that because I think people miss that point entirely. Unless I am riding the peen of every male (or female, there are ways) in your family and am causing an undesirable amount of chaos in your life, why exactly do you care about who I exchange bodily fluids with? Why is it the worlds business? Women are women. We are strong, intelligent, creative, funny, sexy, and you know what? We’re just bad ass all around. Every single one of us. If Cindy had a good time with Michael and decides she’d like to partake in consensual intercourse, then she should be able to without the unwelcomed judgement of I-am-every-woman-Sandy just looming over Cindy’s PERSONAL life and decisions. No one deserves that.

I’m focusing on women because we get so much shit for it, but men do too. We have been blessed with free will, ladies and gents. That means that we can all do whatever the fuck we want, unless, of course, it endangers the lives of others and/or risks personal freedom. Then, no. But, on a serious note, let’s stop slut shaming. Let’s break out of this old-fashioned, moral high ground, judge-y mold that’s shredding the confidence of woman. Let’s stop caring about how many people we’ve all slept with because I guarantee you, you’ll move on just fine in life if you find out Ashley slept with 50 men or just 5. Is it the safest, most hygienic thing in the world? No. But if that’s what you want, go for it. Have your opinions, you’re allowed to. Don’t sleep with everyone, you don’t have to. But don’t look down on another person because they decided to live their lives differently than you did. And guys, if body counts matter that much to you, which they shouldn’t because frankly, that’s immature, but if it matters, don’t go date a girl whose body count triples yours and expect her to be someone she’s not. Or even worse, don’t make her feel bad for who she is. We need to learn to accept each other. We need to learn to coexist. If you can’t coexist with someone whose views differ from yours, then dear, you’ve some evolving to do. We’re all entitled to our thoughts, feelings, ideas, but just respect the ones that don’t agree with yours. That’s what being a person is.

I actually went deeper than I intended, so I’ll stop here.

P. S. – I hope I didn’t offend anyone in this post. If I did, grow a pair. Just kidding, totally kidding. Seriously, I’m sorry if I did. (I quadruple checked to make sure I didn’t though.)

Hello, Goodbye

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Goodbye to love.
Goodbye to life.
Goodbye to breathing.
Hello to mourning.
You are gone&part of me is too.
My world is now blue.
&I feel so askew.
Goodbye to you.
Goodbye to us.
Goodbye to love.
Hello to heartbreak.
This pain I can’t take.
My future seems to be at stake.
For my life I do want to end
Because all this loneliness is turning into a horrid trend.
Goodbye to happiness.
Goodbye to love songs.
Goodbye to memories.
Hello to life.

– I was rifling through my old poetry and I think I wrote this when I was about 16. Maybe 15. My poetry was so dark then. I was so depressed. I’m not as deep into my depression as I was then, but a lot of my work still applies to my life. This, though, stuck out the most. It actually completely describes this entire year so far. I’ve been introduced to a kind of pain I never thought I’d have to meet. But in that process, I met strength I thought I’d never have. I’ve had to say goodbye more times than I’ve ever had to, and these last few weeks, I’ve kind of said goodbye to myself. Hello to a new me. I’ve been speechless lately. I never know what to say, I never care to say anything. My heart has been broken from losing the most important person in my life, and with him gone, I might never be the same again. A piece of me has died. More like a chunk. I’ve been dealing it with well.

“I lost my mind long ago down that yellow brick road.”

When I wrote this, I’m sure some guy broke my heart or something but it’s clearly insignificant because I can’t even remember. This is different though. I’ll remember this pain forever for both good and bad reasons. This person has disappeared from my life and he took my peace with him. In any case, I’ve enjoyed being speechless. It’s given my life an eerie silence and I’d like to keep it that way. I don’t want to force myself to do anything. I just want to..be. So, hello and goodbye to life.

I was pretty wise then. Dark, but wise.

Change Is Good, People

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Quick story that I thought was funny: I was editing my last post (Seasons) and for whatever reason, the page was showing me that my last post was Critical, which was a week ago. So I’m like “what?! It’s been a whole week? What the hell?” So then I told myself like whoa, you’ve gotta kick it up a notch, you know? Then I tried to think of what I’ve done in the last week and I could only remember yesterday, but that’s because I was trying so hard. So I went on my blog and saw that I’ve posted four times in the last week. WordPress almost made me hate myself.

Anyway, Good morning.

Today, I’m feeling particularly…inspired. I had two amazing conversations last night and I think I’m still on that high. Great conversations make me really giddy. Especially when it’s filled with laughter, insight, and free thinking. I hate having to stifle my true thoughts and emotions. Anyhow, I woke up thinking about change this morning. Hence the title of my latest poem Seasons. Did you guys get that? Because you know, seasons change. We change. Life changes. We go through….seasons! I thought I was clever for that. I’ve been trying to get better with titles. When I was younger, I was great with them. I don’t know what happened. Anyway (I say that so much but only because I get off topic a million times in one post), I’m coming to terms with the fact that change is good.

I’ve always been really afraid of change because it means that I lose things or that I’m no longer a certain way, but why is that bad? Change means growth. Sometimes, change means progress. Right now, I’m at a low point in life. Things have been pretty hard and it is quite the humbling experience, but you know what? My pockets aren’t filled, but my heart is and so is my mind. It’s important to be rich in other places than your bank account. Although, money is nice. Not the point.

I’ve experienced a lot of change lately. So much. I’ve moved, I’ve been unemployed, I’ve lost many friends (Just two, but that’s a lot for me), I started writing for magazines, I’ve been getting closer to God, and this morning, I’ve decided to change my attitude.

The things you see and do affect your perception of the world. On Instagram this morning, I followed a bunch of people I love who are totally fabulous and I followed lots of travel pages, and just pages that can inspire me. I unfollowed people that were bringing me down and reminding me of a person I once was. In Seasons (the poem), I wrote about how I hope this feeling lasts and I really hope it does because I’m so…wishy washy with my emotions sometimes. Like this morning, I’m great and I plan on having a wonderful and productive day, but tomorrow morning, I can wake up hating everything about life. But, when you change, you also change old habits. I’m on my way to becoming a better person and by doing that, I’m going to have to ditch my old coat.

Everything and everyone in my life right now serve a purpose. My friends and family are my support system. I recently went through a crisis that showed me exactly how much support I have around me. My struggle serves as inspiration. It serves as focus, determination, and strength. I’m not going to stay down, and to be honest, I don’t think I’m necessarily “down.” I’m just experiencing technical difficulties. My writing, my talent…well. That’s my livelihood. It’s my career, and right now, I’m sharpening my skills. I’m perfecting my craft until I’m exactly where I’d like to be. We all have to crawl before we can walk.

Which actually brings me to my next point. I’m almost done, I promise. I’m being patient with myself! More than anything, there’s so much pressure to be successful so early and so soon and already have this empire by the age of 10. It makes me so sad because I’m not there and I end up beating myself up and putting myself in a corner, and that’s not fair. Everyone’s life is different, we all have different things going. I can’t compare myself to Oprah. We are two different people. What I can do, though, is use Oprah as motivation. I’m learning this. It’s been a long and hard road, but I really think I’m shaping my mind and I’m becoming who I’d like to. I’m changing the way I see things. Who would’ve thought all this change would make me so happy? I’m telling you, I’ve always hated change. Anyway, I’m feeling good this morning. I’m going to try harder, be better, and accept the things that come into my life…take them in stride. I know I’ll be sad some days, but the beauty is not staying that way. Taking my sadness and turning into something great. Like the Kardashians. Have you guys noticed that EVERY TIME they’re humiliated in one way or another, they flip it and turn it into a success? Say what you want, but those people are pretty damn smart.

I was going to say that I’m going to work on making my posts less lengthy, but I’d be lying. I naturally write a lot. I’ve accepted that of myself. Imagine my text messages to people. I just have a lot to say all the time. Someone, somewhere will appreciate it. I’m going to go make pancakes.

I hope everyone has a lovely day :

Listen to happy music, do happy things, eat happy food. 

Not Really Sure

Hey!

I’m terrible with intros. Man, this week sucked. I mean…it suuuuuuucked. But, today is Friday. Fridays are always good. I haven’t really had the best time this week, but a really good friend of mine made sure I survived. She made sure that I was okay, that I was taken care of, and that I didn’t throw myself off of I-95. I didn’t really think I’d get through honestly. I mean, I know I would, but it just didn’t feel like it. It felt like someone took a pile of shit and threw it on top of my head. If everything goes well today, then the last piece of the puzzle will be completed. I’ll be done with this. I’ll be able to move on and set my sights on something bigger and better. I really wish money wasn’t so important. Anyway, I’m becoming acutely aware of where certain things are going. Where, you ask? Nowhere. They are going nowhere. I had a guy tell me that he couldn’t be my friend for awhile bc he was too sexually attracted to me. I have another guy who texts me the most outlandish shit. For example: “How mad would you be if you found out that me and your mom had a baby right after I proposed to you?” Who says that? I said, “Not that this would ever happen, but I’ll entertain you. I’d be pretty upset…then I’d move on and realize you’re both fuckers.” To which he replied “I like your nipples.” He’s never seen my nipples. Then this other guy who is as confused as the sun in the dark. Make up your mind, do you want me or don’t you? Then another who thinks he loves me. And to make it worse, a guy that I’ve been friends with for a veeeery long time let his girlfriend disrespect me. This entire week, I’ve been feeling disrespected. Not one of those guys respect me in any way, and that is what I realized. They do things and say things that literally contradict EVERYTHING they say they feel toward me. And I don’t do that. I’m there, I’m present, I give, I tolerate, I listen, I’m patient, and understanding..&I don’t think I expect that much. Just do me how I do you. That’s not the case right now. I’m thinking it’s time I go on a little break from everyone. You’re all just fucking with my head and making things a bit worse for me. Life itself has just walked all over me, and I’m finally blogging about it because I’m over it. It’s Friday. It’s the weekend. I’m going to wear a crop top today and take selfies and thank God for allowing me to remain positive when nothing seems to be going right. There is one person who hasn’t insanely annoyed me this week and that’s my best friend. &my mother. But, let’s just go with my bff. Guys will never understand the bond that women can form. It’s one of the best things I’m my life right now. True friendship has pulled me out of the deepest woods, made me laugh when I thought I forgot how, made me realize that I’m better than I think I am. The guy version of her is J. He is perfection. He’s the best guy friend anyone can have. He loves me when I’m going ape shit, he loves me when I’m crying, he loves me when I don’t have anything..he’s consistent. The only consistent guy I know. He accepts me. He supports me. I appreciate them. I will always appreciate them. Everyone else has just made me want to hide into a corner. Made me want to shut my phone off and go to sleep for at least a few days. &what sucks is that with most of those guys, I’m in control. They don’t phase me, they’re just persistent and won’t stop chasing. But one…I can’t control anything. I want to, but I can’t. I tell myself that I will, but I don’t. Because he’s not a bad guy, he’s not mean, he’s genuine. Just confused. I deserve a lot more than confusion though. I deserve readiness. I deserve fearlessness. Let’s see. This week has allowed me to see myself in a new light. I’m pretty strong. I could try harder, I need to work on communicating, but I’m not all bad. There’s some awesomeness in here. Have a Good Friday, everyone

Gasping For Air

I still search for you in the darkness,
Only to realize that you’re no longer there.
I still hope that you’re within my reach,
But it’s quite apparent that you no longer care.
We’ve been nothing short of tumultuous,
Leaving behind a trail of slicing words, bruised emotions,
&irreparable damage.
Yet, I still search for you in the corners of my mind,
Hoping to find any indication that we might have a pulse..
I feel I might always be reliant towards you,
Waiting for you to catch me when I fall…
But I’ve opened my eyes, I’ve unblocked my mind..
I’ve let myself be free to believe
That you are no longer the person you once were.
Whatever we had, whatever was there…
Has undoubtedly been squandered by broken dreams..
We’ve stepped on the glass left behind, emitting nightmares
And sorrowful screams.
We’ve forgotten who we were and pass by slyly
On pins and needles…waiting for the other to crack.
But in the back of mind, something tells me to leave.
It tells me to retrieve my emotional belongings…
Place them somewhere else and simply move on.
Because to fully express myself towards you,
I’d like to say that anyone who makes me feel like a burden…
Will be rewarded with our flicker of light,
As dim as it may be,
Being diminished indefinitely
So that I might finally have the courage to breathe

Words In the Dark

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9:27: DrFeelGud: Somethin tells me ur really sexy

9:31: DrFeelGud: U there? I dont bite

9:31: SunflwrSeed86: I won’t carry on a conversation with you unless you write like an adult.

9:32: DrFeelGud: lol u gonna spank me if I dont baby? Wut r u wearing

9:33: SunflwrSeed86: Wow. Okay. This was a bad idea. And..just to put this out there, I have no intention of spanking you or anyone else.

9:33: DrFeelGud: U came here lookin for somethin so let me help u find it

9:38: DrFeelGud: Stop disappearing. Loosen up baby just tell me wut u have on. Probably haven’t changed out of your work clothes

9:39: SunflwrSeed86: That isn’t true. I’ve already showered and changed into my pajamas.

9:39: DrFeelGud: Just kill me with the sexiness why dont ya

9:40: SunflwrSeed86: Very funny.

9:41: DrFeelGud: Lol alright tell me y ur here

9:43: SunflwrSeed86: Not until you write like an adult. I refuse to speak to you this way. We are not preteens.

9:43: DrFeelGud: If I do, will you loosen up?

9:44: SunflwrSeed86: Oh, look at that, punctuation.

9:45: DrFeelGud: What do I get for being a good boy? Show me your tits. I deserve a treat.

9:45: SunflwrSeed86: Don’t do that. You’re not a dog.

9:45: SunflwrSeed86: Maybe we should just…stop it. This isn’t working.

9:47: DrFeelGud: Charlotte, why are you making this is so hard

9:47: SunflwrSeed86: Don’t break character! You’re breaking the rules!

9:48: DrFeelGud: And you’re being frigid. You couldn’t think of something better than sunflower seed? It’s a sex chat room, honey.

9:48: SunflwrSeed86: Right, because ‘DrFeelGud’ isn’t the most common name ever. How many variations of that did you have to do for the site to allow it?

9:50: DrFeelGud: Okay, we’re done. I’m coming home. Did you make dinner? Where are the kids?

9:51: SunflwrSeed86: Stop, just stop. I want to do this. I’ll…get..hot. Can we start over?

9:52: DrFeelGud: Yes, babe. Alright, so what are you wearing?

9:52: SunflwrSeed86: Can you ask me something else? I already said pajamas..if I change my answer, I feel like it’ll be weird.

9:54: DrFeelGud: Charlotte…

9:55: SunflwrSeed86: I don’t have anything on.

9:57: DrFeelGud: Really?

9:58: SunflwrSeed86: 😉

10:00: DrFeelGud: Touch your pussy and see if it’s wet.

10:01: SunflwrSeed86: WOW. What happened to baby steps? What the fuck was that? See if I’m wet?

10:02: DrFeelGud: I like it when you curse, do it again.

10:02: SunflwrSeed86: What else do you like?

10:02: DrFeelGud: Whoa, that was really good babe. That actually turned me on.

10:03: SunflwrSeed86: Daniel, stop breaking character!

10:03: DrFeelGud: Lol my apologies. Alright, I like it when you’re on top.

10:05: SunflwrSeed86: Why?

10:05: DrFeelGud: I like watching your tits bounce up and down. I like grabbing your ass.

10:06: SunflwrSeed86: Oh, really? What else?

10:07: DrFeelGud: Honey, I can’t be doing all the talking. You have to say things, too.

10:09: SunflwrSeed86: I don’t know what to say! I want to fuck you?

10:11: DrFeelGud: We don’t have to do this, Char.

10:11: SunflwrSeed86: Okay, great. So we’ll tell Dr. Fine that we practiced?

10:12: DrFeelGud: Sure. I’ll be home in a few minutes.

10:14: SunflwrSeed86: I tried, Daniel.

10:15: DrFeelGud: I know. I’m gonna stop by the bar on my way home. That ok?

10:20: DrFeelGud: Charlotte?

10:24: SunflwrSeed86: Use a condom.

SunflwrSeed86 has left the chat room.

The Trouble In..

I’m finding it to be quite difficult to take part in your happiness…
You see, my world is in shambles.
My heart is scattered..lying on the floor
In a million tiny pieces…
&beside it is my mind.
At the moment, all I can register
Is this burning pain..
This morbid desire to remain
Insane..
Because I’ve concluded that
I’ll always be the same.
Please don’t misunderstand,
I am happy that you’re happy.
Just…don’t ask me to smile.
I might not be able to muster the
Strength to endure your…joy.
But I feel it on the inside,
I promise.

Where the sun shines for you,
The rain has decided to release..on me.
It has decided to set itself free..
It’s knocked down a few of my trees,
Leaving me branches and twigs..
Shards of broken glass..
Holes in a few walls..
Blood spatter on sidewalks.
The universe is undergoing
A few changes…&I understand that
I must be patient…
But while things work well for you,
Just..please don’t ask me to smile.

On the inside, I shine when you shine..
I laugh along with the beauty of
The sound of your own laughter..
&I beam at you..
The way your eyes twinkle..
Not like stars, but like lights
On Christmas trees..
Happiness flowing&glowing all throughout.
I feel these things, I promise.
The way I love you,
It would almost be a sin if I didn’t..
But it’s apparent that I might
Love myself a little more..
Because right now,
I cannot smile for you.

Wine Glass Reflections

There comes a moment when you realize just how alone you are.

She has him, he has her, they have each other, and you…

Well, you have you.

That’s not entirely a terrible thing to have yourself to rely on

Because what many don’t realize is that…

You can make you happy.

You can make yourself sad, disappointed, you can make yourself cry

Make yourself feel like limits don’t exist, not even in the sky..

Simply because it’s you.

You know who you are, what you like, what you feel

No need for pointless explanations, or sorrowful apologies…

You will always understand.

You hold your happiness in the palm of your hands, you’ll let yourself in…

You won’t step on your feelings,

Make yourself ashamed or…embarrassed for what you want,

It’s just you.

There’s something quite peaceful in realizing

That the only thing loving you back besides you

Is the wine swishing in your glass,

Maybe what you had for dinner last…

But you have a tighter grip on yourself than a necklace clasp…

You love you more than the people in your life who seem to just pass,

By and then leave without saying goodbye

They go from hot to cold

Not much longer after that first hi,

And that’s okay…because you have you.

And as I write this solemnly, sadly, wistfully…

This is perhaps the loneliest I’ve felt in some time,

And as the wine in my glass stares back at me,

Waiting patiently to become…nothing.

I realize that I won’t dwell.

I won’t allow my brain to swell,

Or tears to form a puddle, not even a well

Of angst in honor of the pooling loneliness…

I’ll just sit here.

I will sit in the darkness, maybe the light.

I’ll continue to befriend the words that I write,

And that will be all…so simply..

Goodnight.

Frightened Liar

I almost apologized to you today. I was giving advice to a friend, and as the words were leaving my mouth, I began to understand just how I hurt you. After all these years, it finally made sense. I’ve apologized to you endlessly, but I never fully comprehended what I did to you. How the lies I told drew a distance…a gap between that could never be resolved. Anyhow, in the middle of all that, I had the biggest urge to just…tell you I’m sorry. But that’s pointless, so I didn’t. It’s just been rolling around in my head for some time, and now I’m thinking of what could have been. Chances are, we wouldn’t have worked out, but I still would’ve liked the opportunity. What I really will never understand, though, is the fact that you’re holding all of that against me when we were so young. I was a baby. I wish you would take the time to get to know adult me. If only the pre-teen version of me wasn’t so fucked in the head. You strung me along though. You’ll never admit it, but you strung me along. You did a lot of stupid things, but somehow, my little white lies overshadowed the things you did to put us in such a hole. But it’s fine, I’ll take the fall. It just sucks that after all these years, I’m still in this position. I’m not pining over you anymore, I don’t really want you in that way, but you’re still in my heart. I’m not sure what kind of sense that makes, I’ve been drinking. My fingers tremble as I type. I just really could have loved you, you know? I could’ve been there for you, tried to understand you more than you let me…there were so many possibilities. And now there are none. And I’m fine with that. It took awhile, but I’m fine. I’m not sure if we’ll ever be friends again, but I’d be lying if I said it isn’t something I hope for. We were comfortable, and now…yeah. Well, I hope you’re okay. I hope you’re happy. I guess I’ll find out how you’re doing the next time I get drunk and text you.

Baring It All: Late Night Chronicles

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Hmmm….I find myself late-night blogging yet again.

Tonight is an interesting night, though. I’ll tell you why.

One of the worst feelings is looking in the mirror and not liking what you see. Not understanding why you look the way you do..why blemishes and acne scars won’t just leave you alone. Or why you seem to be gaining weight in the wrong places. My teeth aren’t white enough or straight enough, posture isn’t good enough, stomach isn’t flat enough, skin is just…ugh. Nothing is making sense right now. Oddly enough, I’m kind of embarrassed to go into the details of how bad I feel about myself right now. I feel like I’m baring my soul and I haven’t even gone into it. I can talk about anything with anyone, but when it comes to appearances, I refuse to discuss it. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but it feels like I’m crashing.

I’m going to state the obvious. Being a woman is tough. I’m sure being a man is just as tough, but I’ve never been a man. The pressure of a woman, though…my goodness. It’s exhausting. As effortless as some girls make it seem, it just isn’t. I’m hating my face right now..hating everything. I have to go to church in the morning and all I’m thinking of is how the sun will make my skin look weird if I stand in it too long. Or whatever I eat after church will have to be a very small portion. I was initially going to write a poem about natural beauty and self appreciation to get my mood going, but I’m too depressed to do so. It sounded great in my mind, but as soon as I began writing, negativity just…leaked.

Also, I have to go to a graduation in Tennessee next weekend and there’s a small part of me that doesn’t want to go. I don’t want to see a bunch of people and take all of these pictures and wear a bunch of make up that will make my acne stick out like sore thumbs. And it sucks because lately, I’ve really been into make up. It doesn’t agree with me though. I guess I’ll just be natural until my skin clears up. I never tell anyone that…the real reason I hate make up is because I don’t like the way it looks on my skin. My skin has gotten better over the years, and it’s a lot smoother, but it’s not completely clear. I hate that word; acne. It’s so gross. I’ve always felt like it defines me in a way.

Anyway, ironically enough, my mom is obsessed with make up and always wants me to wear it so I’ll look more sophisticated and blah blah, but I never do because of two reasons: 1. I don’t want people to think I’m trying to hide under make up. I’ve been living with imperfect skin for ten years (Middle school was rough) and I’m used to it, 2. This is gonna sound weird, but whatever. Say I’m out and my face is totally made up and I meet this great guy and he thinks I’m gorgeous. What if he thinks I’m hideous when he sees me without make up? In order to avoid all of that, I’d rather go with the “what you see is what you get” approach. I know, I’m crazy. Despite this post, I’ve gotten A LOT better about these things. Really, I have.

Honestly, I can’t even remember the last time I had a night like this. I’ve been really confident and comfortable in my skin the last few years. Lately though, something has changed. I’m just not happy with myself and tonight, it’s made me particularly sad. I hate to say it, but I kind of wish I looked like the girls in the magazines. I know their photos are touched up and stuff, but they are still really, really beautiful women. They have great facial structure and perfect skin and perfect bodies and…just perfect everything it seems.

Alright, I’m going to be positive: I am thankful that I’ve been able to maintain a healthy and loving attitude towards myself. We all have bad nights and this is mine. Also, I’m happy that I am not just talking the talk, but I’ve been walking the walk by living a healthier lifestyle and keeping up with my gym routine. There. This isn’t easy for me to share, but I’m going to do it because this is life. This is me. Truth in the darkness.

Okay. That’s it.
I hope everyone is having a fun Friday night. Sweet dreams 🙂