Quick story that I thought was funny: I was editing my last post (Seasons) and for whatever reason, the page was showing me that my last post was Critical, which was a week ago. So I’m like “what?! It’s been a whole week? What the hell?” So then I told myself like whoa, you’ve gotta kick it up a notch, you know? Then I tried to think of what I’ve done in the last week and I could only remember yesterday, but that’s because I was trying so hard. So I went on my blog and saw that I’ve posted four times in the last week. WordPress almost made me hate myself.
Anyway, Good morning.
Today, I’m feeling particularly…inspired. I had two amazing conversations last night and I think I’m still on that high. Great conversations make me really giddy. Especially when it’s filled with laughter, insight, and free thinking. I hate having to stifle my true thoughts and emotions. Anyhow, I woke up thinking about change this morning. Hence the title of my latest poem Seasons. Did you guys get that? Because you know, seasons change. We change. Life changes. We go through….seasons! I thought I was clever for that. I’ve been trying to get better with titles. When I was younger, I was great with them. I don’t know what happened. Anyway (I say that so much but only because I get off topic a million times in one post), I’m coming to terms with the fact that change is good.
I’ve always been really afraid of change because it means that I lose things or that I’m no longer a certain way, but why is that bad? Change means growth. Sometimes, change means progress. Right now, I’m at a low point in life. Things have been pretty hard and it is quite the humbling experience, but you know what? My pockets aren’t filled, but my heart is and so is my mind. It’s important to be rich in other places than your bank account. Although, money is nice. Not the point.
I’ve experienced a lot of change lately. So much. I’ve moved, I’ve been unemployed, I’ve lost many friends (Just two, but that’s a lot for me), I started writing for magazines, I’ve been getting closer to God, and this morning, I’ve decided to change my attitude.
The things you see and do affect your perception of the world. On Instagram this morning, I followed a bunch of people I love who are totally fabulous and I followed lots of travel pages, and just pages that can inspire me. I unfollowed people that were bringing me down and reminding me of a person I once was. In Seasons (the poem), I wrote about how I hope this feeling lasts and I really hope it does because I’m so…wishy washy with my emotions sometimes. Like this morning, I’m great and I plan on having a wonderful and productive day, but tomorrow morning, I can wake up hating everything about life. But, when you change, you also change old habits. I’m on my way to becoming a better person and by doing that, I’m going to have to ditch my old coat.
Everything and everyone in my life right now serve a purpose. My friends and family are my support system. I recently went through a crisis that showed me exactly how much support I have around me. My struggle serves as inspiration. It serves as focus, determination, and strength. I’m not going to stay down, and to be honest, I don’t think I’m necessarily “down.” I’m just experiencing technical difficulties. My writing, my talent…well. That’s my livelihood. It’s my career, and right now, I’m sharpening my skills. I’m perfecting my craft until I’m exactly where I’d like to be. We all have to crawl before we can walk.
Which actually brings me to my next point. I’m almost done, I promise. I’m being patient with myself! More than anything, there’s so much pressure to be successful so early and so soon and already have this empire by the age of 10. It makes me so sad because I’m not there and I end up beating myself up and putting myself in a corner, and that’s not fair. Everyone’s life is different, we all have different things going. I can’t compare myself to Oprah. We are two different people. What I can do, though, is use Oprah as motivation. I’m learning this. It’s been a long and hard road, but I really think I’m shaping my mind and I’m becoming who I’d like to. I’m changing the way I see things. Who would’ve thought all this change would make me so happy? I’m telling you, I’ve always hated change. Anyway, I’m feeling good this morning. I’m going to try harder, be better, and accept the things that come into my life…take them in stride. I know I’ll be sad some days, but the beauty is not staying that way. Taking my sadness and turning into something great. Like the Kardashians. Have you guys noticed that EVERY TIME they’re humiliated in one way or another, they flip it and turn it into a success? Say what you want, but those people are pretty damn smart.
I was going to say that I’m going to work on making my posts less lengthy, but I’d be lying. I naturally write a lot. I’ve accepted that of myself. Imagine my text messages to people. I just have a lot to say all the time. Someone, somewhere will appreciate it. I’m going to go make pancakes.
I hope everyone has a lovely day :
Listen to happy music, do happy things, eat happy food.