theshamelesswanderer

The Musings of My Mind

Category: Dialogue

1:53

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“My parents enrolled me into a school for special kids, but I don’t like it. They all act like victims.”

“Well aren’t they? They weren’t asked to be born that way.”

Sighs deeply. “None of us ask for anything. No offense, but your ears are pretty big and you have terrible skin. I’m almost positive you didn’t beg for that and I’m sure you received your fair share of sandbox name-calling. But you live and breathe. Our culture has a weird obsession with victimizing people and I don’t get it. I actually like to think that I’m lucky. Sure, my eyes are funny but they work in a way that was said to be impossible by five doctors. I can walk and talk and breathe and my brain functions the way yours does. I want to go to a regular school with regular people, I’m not disabled. I don’t need people to read and write things for me, I don’t need people pitying me. You want to pity someone? Go pity that poor fool on Bleeker St. who thinks the angels give him handwritten notes from God. My parents are afraid that I’ll be teased, but my grandpa told me that almost anything can be solved with my fists. I’m sure I’ll be okay.”

Laughs. “What makes you sad about your eyes?”

“Well…all the pretty ladies on TV and all the Disney princesses are so shiny and perfect-looking. They don’t ever show what different people look like.” She casts her eyes down and frowns.

“Why does that make you sad?”

“Because!” Eyes wide with enthusiasm and disbelief, she says, “I’m only 10 and I’m already self-conscious. How am I supposed to be happy when the world just keeps telling me there’s something wrong with me?”

“Who else do you think feels this way?”

“Minorities.” Shrugs. “I watch the news.”

“You seem to be well informed for a 10 year old.”

She speaks softly. “When people treat you like you’re stupid, you tend to spend your time trying to prove them wrong.”

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Black&White

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“You’re draining me, Jack. I know you mean well, but you’re just..draining the hell out of me. It kills me to deal with your pressure, you know? I have to do things you want me to do, act the way you want me to act, say the things you want me to say. I stopped standing up for myself..&somewhere along the way, I lost myself. Now, I want to get to know me again. I love you and you know that I do, but I can’t do this with you anymore.”

“What are you talking about? Now I’m the bad guy because I see so much in you? I can see how great you’ll be. What’s wrong with that?”

“Honey, the problem lies in the invisible bar you place over my head. It keeps getting higher and higher, and each time it does, you expect me to jump up and just…reach for stars that aren’t even on my radar. They’re on yours.”

“I just want you to be happy, Em. I really didn’t know that was a crime.”

“It wouldn’t be a crime if that sentiment was genuine. You don’t want me to be happy the way you think you do. You want you to be happy. You’re not comfortable with who I am so you’re trying to mold me. You don’t love me, Jack and sometimes I wonder if you ever did.”

“You sound crazy right now. Why would you wait three years to say that?”

“Because I finally stopped caring about your opinion.”

“So where are you gonna go? You can’t just…you can’t just walk away like that. Just because I want what’s best for you? Just because I see your true potential and I’m trying to help you get there?”

“You’re not getting it! You’re not even trying to understand, that’s the worst part! Are you even listening to me? Jack, I am not your puppet. I don’t want to go to church every weekend because I’m not even sure I believe in God and you know that. I don’t want to hang out with your friends all the time having “intelligent” political discussions, I don’t even vote! I don’t want to abstain from sex but then talk about it with you ALL the time, I don’t want to be a vegetarian, I don’t want to be introduced as your future wife, it’s just..so much. It’s like you don’t even know me. I don’t want any of it! I’m not 12 Jack, I can watch TV past 10pm and the fact that you even do that is just…ridiculous! I can’t do this with you. I’ll just end up hating you. I tried, I really did, but you don’t understand me and you’re not even trying to. When we first met, you know..it was cool. You were this great guy who had his head on straight and I was a mess. I thought you would be good for me, but you’re not. You’re sucking out my soul. I don’t even paint anymore, Jack. Don’t you see how I’ve changed? Don’t you see what you’ve done to me? You want to turn me into this perfect Christian woman and that’s not who I am, okay? It just isn’t. If anything, you’ve pushed me further away from that life. I’m really sorry, Jack. I’m gonna stay with my mom for awhile. I’ll be back to get more of my things in a few days. Don’t call me, alright?”

“Wow. You seem so relieved to have gotten that out.”

“I am. I’ve been holding it in for awhile.”

“So…you don’t believe in God? You’re one heck of an actress.”

“You’re unbelievable. Just keep talking out of your ass, you’re making this a lot easier for me.”

“Have fun living your secular life, Em. I’m sure you’ll be back.”

“We’ll see, Jack. Take care of yourself.”