Within Me Lies…

by farrahdomid

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A part of me thinks that you think I don’t need you. Maybe that’s why you refuse to do anything to fix the mind fuck of a situation we’re in. Little do you know, I need you more than I can put into words. For the first time in my life, the love I feel towards you is healthy. Don’t get me wrong, your touch intoxicates me and sends me flying through alternate universes that I didn’t even think existed. The minute you place your hand on my skin, I can feel things inside of me exploding. I like to just stare at you sometimes. Over time, I’ve noticed that your infinite beauty can make any bit of sadness I feel go away. I can only hope that I move you the way you move me…because I feel like I’m drowning with you. I placed my trust in you and swam deeply into your ocean, and I don’t want to be saved. I’d actually prefer to just keep sinking. But believe me, this is healthy.

I don’t feel the need to know where you are at all times or know what you’re doing. I…trust you. It feels foolish to say, but there’s something in you that I just believe in. I’ll admit that I want you to need me. I want to have the smile that keeps you going through the day, but sometimes I wonder if you desire to have those affections. I hope this isn’t a lost cause. As the days go by, my love grows deeper…and deeper. I begin to want you more and more, and it slowly drives me crazy. But seriously, it’s healthy. I would never hold you back in any way, I wouldn’t dream of it. I want to see your success skyrocket. I want to see you accomplish the things you know you’re capable of, the things I know will be possible. Your success is inevitable, and that makes me really proud. Are you proud of me? Would you be pleased in saying that I belong to you? Because I’d like to. I want to lie in your arms and feel your breath on my neck. I want to feel your heartbeat against my back while your hands are intertwined with mine. I see these incredible things for us and I’m sorry if I rush it, but please believe when I say I can’t help it.

When I love, I love hard and I hope that doesn’t frighten you. It hasn’t so far. You’ve been quite understanding of my wavering emotions I’m a little crazy, I know. Do I need you to survive? Probably not. Maybe I will one day. But I do need to feel you…and hear you…and have you near me. I need you to understand how you’ve inserted yourself into me in ways that might mean that I’ve fallen for you. It’s a little weird to say, I’m trying to love you in a healthy way. But I need you in many different ways. And I want you to need me too because I’m here. I will show up for you, and listen to you, and be here for you. I battle with this daily, but I also think I’ll wait for you. Just…don’t forget me in your wake. You say you could never forget me, but life passes us by in the blink of a dark eye. I’d hate for us to never experience the splendor of the life we imagine. 

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