Critical

by farrahdomid

This will be short.

I am overly critical of myself, and I’m not sure how to stop it. I always think someone is mad at me, that they think I’m not good enough, smart enough, or anything worth hanging on to I guess. I have this constant fear that people will just get tired of me and that I’m ruining things for them. If they want me to do something for or with them, I feel like they immediately regret it. I’m not sure why I do this to myself. It tends to wear me down. I spend so much time worrying and freaking out and thinking all these terrible thoughts when most of the time, what I’m killing myself over isn’t even happening.

I like to be liked. That’s my problem. I like to be favored by people and because I want it so much, I think that I’m not. That everyone just thinks I’m this gross person when I know I’m not. I wish I could trust myself more. I wish I could encourage myself to be and do better, but not only that, I wish I could just support myself. Be proud of myself. I hate the fact that I doubt myself so much. I doubt myself in almost everything I do, and it tends to show in the worst ways. I become annoying. I become sensitive and defensive, and it’s just me showing my feelings in a way that isn’t conducive to finding real solutions. I don’t know, I’m crazy.

Here’s the truth: I know myself. I know myself very well. I may be overly critical most of the time, but I know my shortcomings and I feel that once someone talks to me long enough or hangs around me, they’ll notice these things too and totally get turned off by me. Hmm. 

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