The Trouble In..

by farrahdomid

I’m finding it to be quite difficult to take part in your happiness…
You see, my world is in shambles.
My heart is scattered..lying on the floor
In a million tiny pieces…
&beside it is my mind.
At the moment, all I can register
Is this burning pain..
This morbid desire to remain
Insane..
Because I’ve concluded that
I’ll always be the same.
Please don’t misunderstand,
I am happy that you’re happy.
Just…don’t ask me to smile.
I might not be able to muster the
Strength to endure your…joy.
But I feel it on the inside,
I promise.

Where the sun shines for you,
The rain has decided to release..on me.
It has decided to set itself free..
It’s knocked down a few of my trees,
Leaving me branches and twigs..
Shards of broken glass..
Holes in a few walls..
Blood spatter on sidewalks.
The universe is undergoing
A few changes…&I understand that
I must be patient…
But while things work well for you,
Just..please don’t ask me to smile.

On the inside, I shine when you shine..
I laugh along with the beauty of
The sound of your own laughter..
&I beam at you..
The way your eyes twinkle..
Not like stars, but like lights
On Christmas trees..
Happiness flowing&glowing all throughout.
I feel these things, I promise.
The way I love you,
It would almost be a sin if I didn’t..
But it’s apparent that I might
Love myself a little more..
Because right now,
I cannot smile for you.

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