I’m finding it to be quite difficult to take part in your happiness…
You see, my world is in shambles.
My heart is scattered..lying on the floor
In a million tiny pieces…
&beside it is my mind.
At the moment, all I can register
Is this burning pain..
This morbid desire to remain
Because I’ve concluded that
I’ll always be the same.
Please don’t misunderstand,
I am happy that you’re happy.
Just…don’t ask me to smile.
I might not be able to muster the
Strength to endure your…joy.
But I feel it on the inside,
Where the sun shines for you,
The rain has decided to release..on me.
It has decided to set itself free..
It’s knocked down a few of my trees,
Leaving me branches and twigs..
Shards of broken glass..
Holes in a few walls..
Blood spatter on sidewalks.
The universe is undergoing
A few changes…&I understand that
I must be patient…
But while things work well for you,
Just..please don’t ask me to smile.
On the inside, I shine when you shine..
I laugh along with the beauty of
The sound of your own laughter..
&I beam at you..
The way your eyes twinkle..
Not like stars, but like lights
On Christmas trees..
Happiness flowing&glowing all throughout.
I feel these things, I promise.
The way I love you,
It would almost be a sin if I didn’t..
But it’s apparent that I might
Love myself a little more..
Because right now,
I cannot smile for you.