They lied there in silence remembering all of the times that had gone and past. They reminisced about second chances, missed opportunities, and kisses in the rain. Yet, in that same miserable silence, they brooded over the things that would never be. Things that had long missed their chance at ever becoming a reality. Staring off into the hopeless, distant future, they lingered on their past and tried to absorb as much of it as they could.

“Remember when you sister caught us in your dads office?” he laughed. They’d just met at the time. Two star-crossed teenagers that were way too wrapped up into each other, awaiting a future they would never have.

“Ha! Yeah, I was so scared. She made me do the dishes for like a month. My fingers were so pruny, remember that?”

“Yeah, I do. Your hand jobs were terrible for a while there.”

She slapped him playfully, then nestled in closer to him. She inhaled his scent and immediately felt warm inside. Fifteen years later and he still made her knees weak.

“Don’t be gross. They got better though, right?”

“Better as in you finally stopped using your hands.”

Chuckling softly and wistfully, she said, “You’ll never change, Matthew.”

He thought about that for a moment. “Do you really want me to, though? You love me. Maybe if I changed, you wouldn’t love me anymore.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want now.”

“Come on, Ana. Don’t do that.” He moved his arm from behind her head, adjusted his position so he could look into her eyes, and tousled her hair softly. “Ana.”

“What? I won’t be like that, just leave me alone.”

His full lips broke into a smirk, and he said, “Is that what really want?”

Meeting his gaze for the first time, Ana bitterly responded, “It doesn’t matter what I want. Has it ever?”

Matthew looked at her worryingly, feeling a tug of pain from not being able to give her everything she’s ever wanted. Slowly, he moved his mouth towards hers and placed his lips on the only set of lips he wouldn’t mind kissing for the rest of his life. Ana placed her hand on the side of his face and moaned softly as he kissed her deeply. She pulled away from him and kissed his eyelids, and then his left cheek, right cheek, then the tip of his nose, and then kissed his lips once more.

Slightly breathless and completely in a daze, Matthew looked at her and said, “I love you, Ana.”

She responded to him with silence, and then readjusted herself. Back to laying in the crook of his arm, and taking in his scent, Ana bit her lips hoping to escape a flood of tears that would surely come.

His forehead creased and his lips pressed, Matthew quietly asked, “What do you want, Ana? What do you want that I can give you?”

Shielding her face, she uttered, “How did we get here, Matt?”

Feeling defeated, he lied back down. Within her eyes was the promise of disappointment that would follow them for the rest of their lives. He pushed her in closer to him and rested his chin on the top of her head.

“I was never a fan of your toes. They’re so long. I don’t know how you don’t get creeped out by just staring at them.”

Ana’s face broke into a grin and she couldn’t help but laughing.

“At least mine don’t smell as bad as yours do. You literally can’t ever take your socks off.”

Smiling, he said, “I’m a man. That’s man stink. You like my man stink.”

They sat in silence for what seemed like ages and held on to each other tightly. She was where she felt she belonged, and he was where he needed to be. Yet, neither of them could stay there.

Almost in a whisper, Ana pleaded, “Don’t go, Matt.”

“What do you mean? We can’t stay in this room forever, check out is at 11.”

Ana sighed and put her hand on the bridge of her nose, something he knew she did when she was tense.

“Look, I’m sorry. But Ana, what exactly is going to happen here? We’re where we are right now because you left and got married. You’re not going to leave him, so what else am I supposed to do? Annabelle, I love you, but I can’t do this with you forever.”

“You left me no choice, Matthew.”

“Yeah, well we’ve always disagreed there.”

More silence, and more regret.

“I made a lot of mistakes, Ana. I should’ve never cheated on you, I should’ve never hit rock bottom the way I did, but…but you could’ve…I don’t know, you could’ve w—“

“Waited for you? I could’ve waited for you to put down the fucking bottle and choose me for once? I could’ve waited in my car all night again while you had your whores and your drugs all over the place, just so I could clean you up when the sun came up? One of us had to grow up.  I had to make a life for myself, Matthew. Maybe I should’ve waited, but you…you basically pushed me into his arms.”

Matthew sighed deeply and ran his hand through his hair, then left his hand resting behind his head.

Ana moved closer to him, closing the gap between them and said, “I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” He kissed her forehead. “I just can’t do hotels every other weekend with you. This can’t be our life, Ana.”

“How does joining the army solve the problem, Matt?”

“You won’t be there. Maybe I’ll fall out of love with you.” Before the words even left his mouth, he knew something like that could never be possible.

“I’ll never stop loving you. I’ll never stop wanting you.”

“I know.” He checked his watch. “Listen, we have two hours left so let’s do things that’ll make you hate your husband. I’m gonna need these memories in the desert, so lay it on me, woman.”

Annabelle laughed loudly, and her heart fluttered. “Don’t be gross.”

He sat up and removed his shirt. Smirking as he bent down to remove hers, he said, “Now isn’t the time to play hard to get, babe.”


11 thoughts on “Nostalgia

  1. I don’t love their “faults”. I’m reading thinking what selfish little people they are and feeling bad for her husband. All affairs are the same where it counts. Sounds like she has all the red flags. He cheated on her, he cheats with her…he’s a cheater through and through. She’s now a cheater too. Nice pair, they deserve each other but her husband deserve way better.

      1. I had an intense youthful relationship like you allude to. He didn’t cheat but he dumped me and went out with someone else then came back. I was sick of his half in half out behaviour and moved away. I got married to someone else despite him begging me not to and to marry him instead.

        It would have been so easy to cheat with him. And yet, impossible. Because some of us just don’t do that. So I cut him odd when I got married, no contact, ever. I don’t regret it for a second.

        We could have been great together, but it never happened. And cheating would only have made us both awful people.

        I had an opportunity to cheat with him on the girl he dated after me. I really loved him. Therefore I would never want him to be a cheater. And I would never be the other woman. Not even for him.

      2. Wow, I definitely commend you for your strength. I can imagine how hard that must’ve been, but clearly, your morals and values are in tact. You also respect yourself and the people around you. Sometimes, people aren’t as strong. It can be easy to the desires of the flesh, or even mental ones. I’m glad you’re happy with your decision and living a better life because of it 🙂 Love isn’t easy in any way.

  2. Well it looks like Neph is making the rounds to your blog. I blocked her, good luck.

    Well, haven’t you been busy posting today. I loved it. Are you going to do more with Matt and Anna? It makes my “she knew he lied” story look so amateurish. Glad to see you post, I have missed reading your stuff.

    1. Lol! Oh, so this happens a lot? I’ll expect more comment, thanks for the heads up lol.
      &I hadn’t given much thought to it, but now that you say it, I will definitely think about it. I’m glad you like them and would like to see more 🙂
      Also, definitely not amateurish. Not in the slightest. Thanks, Grey 🙂 It’s good to be back.

  3. Crazy story, I’m wondering how much I it relates to you or if was all random. Great writing though! I shall check theshamelesswanderer more often.

    1. Most of the things I write are clips from my real life, but this one was totally random. I’m not sure where I got the idea exactly, but I like the way it turned out. And thank you! I hope you do 🙂

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