Defeated.

by farrahdomid

I feel like I need to scream. Like I need to punch someone in the face in slow motion so I can see and feel every bit of it. There aren’t enough hours in the day. There isn’t enough money in my bank account. This week feels like a gunshot to my head, and yet, here I am not trying as hard as I should. Some of my priorities are not what they should be, and honestly, I’d like to blame everything but myself. I feel bitter and defeated. I feel like if I don’t get out of here, I’ll never make it out alive. If I don’t make a new road for myself, I’ll spend the rest of my life camping out on the road of failure and inadequacy. I just feel so useless. I can’t wait until this week is over. It’s funny because in my head, I told myself that once this week is over, I’ll be in the clear and free to breathe, but I already know I won’t be. Something else will come up. Life will trump me again. I love that I can always find a silver lining in any situation, but I think I see the light of my hopefulness beginning to dim. I think I’m starting to become the person I never wanted to be. And even as I typed that, I thought to myself how spring break is right around the corner and I’ll have a break. I’ll have a moment to breathe. Somewhere inside of me, no matter what happens, a light shines inside of me, and it’s bright. All the while, it patiently awaits the day that it is seen. Why won’t life let me be great?

Advertisements