I wrote a story pretty recently that kind of left me on my ass. I think it made me scared to write. I was so caught up with posting things and making sure that I was consistent that I kind of lost myself. I lost my art. I re-read my story White Walls, and honestly, I was embarrassed to finish it. It was so terrible. I wanted to delete it, but left it up to punish myself. Kind of a little lesson, like think about what you post before you post it. It just made me think about who I am as a writer. This blog has helped me find myself in a way I thought I never could. I surprised myself, and it was nice. It made me happy. Now, reading that story, it was just a bunch of words piled together, and honestly, I didn’t need most of those words. I was trying too hard. I was trying to impress people, I think. I’ve never done that before. I’ve never put the opinions of other people over my work, and that…embarrassed me. I felt embarrassed to be in my own skin. I’ve had all of these interesting ideas of things I could write, but…I’m afraid to write. I’ve taken a few days and it has felt great, but I need to get back into it. I guess I just don’t know how. I’m also pretty lazy. I’m going to start by tuning up a story. Something I was working on, but stopped. I’d like to have a rule of not moving on to other projects unless I’m done with my current project, but that would never work for me. I’m too all over the place. Anyway, I just felt like I had to write something. And now that I am, I feel good. It could be the three beers I just had, but I’m having a hard time ending this little journal because I’m having so much fun getting this off my chest. I’m starting a new job tomorrow and I’m nervous. Not nervous to work, but nervous to see how my writing will do. I tend to become a workaholic and end up leaving no time for myself, but I can’t let that happen this time. I promised that this year would be all about my writing, and I’m keeping that promise. I have a few contests I’ll be entering and I have a few months to get a few pieces ready, but until then, I’m just gonna focus on writing for myself. I won’t try to overcompensate anymore. I don’t like making myself feel this way. So, for anyone who read White Walls, I’m sorry it sucked. I’m sorry I used big words for no reason. I don’t know how not to do that. I’m learning though! First step is admitting the problem, right?


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