White Walls Pt. 1

Drip, drip, drip…is all I hear from the IV bag that seems to be lodged directly in my ear. Before I fully open my eyes to embrace my surroundings, the sterile and bitter scent freshens my memory. Outside of the door, I hear the hushed voices of doctors and nurses milling about like little ants in a colony; routinely going through the motions until something eventful happens. The needle wedged in the crook of my arm interrupts my thoughts, and I’m now conscious of my dreary reality. I open my eyes slowly, cautiously avoiding the attack of severe fluorescence. The last few hours may be a bit blurry, but I can’t help but notice the bandages around my wrists, hiding a gash that could tell tales of torment, and holding in the blood that didn’t get to escape. I couldn’t help but feel the gaping hole inside of my chest, just throbbing and throbbing, begging to be silenced. I thought I’d taken care of the problem, but here I am, existing and breathing as if I want this; as if my precise cuts and slashes were created for the artistic pleasure of medical professionals. Suddenly, I hear a shrill scream that interrupted the organized muzzled chaos. As quickly as it occurred, the scream vanished into the toxic air and left behind an eerie silence darker than a midnight sky. I can’t help but wonder if someone had just been penetrated by a sedative-laced needle, promising that the agony would come to an end for a few hours. Jealousy immediately came over me, causing me to buzz my nurse to see if the drug fairy had some left over goodies for my poor aching soul. A few minutes later, a short, heavyset woman came in holding a ridiculous pink balloon. I couldn’t quite make out the words I’m sure were irrelevant, but I could see that her massive, curly brown hair was taking over her face. All that was visible were hair and a crooked smile. She tiptoed her way over to me in white Oxford shoes and said, “Well Happy Valentine’s Day, precious! You’ve been through so much, it’s so great that you’re here for such a lovely day, don’t you think? Well, sugar, I have to get some food in you, you’re a bag of bones!” I furrowed my brow at her and cringed at her jolliness as she awkwardly laughed at things that weren’t really funny. My condition made her uncomfortable. She avoided looking at wrists and into my eyes directly as if my darkness was somehow contagious.“ I heard some girl scream and now she’s quiet. Give me what you gave her.” I looked coldly into her brown, almond-shaped eyes, and watched as fear clouded her face. I’d shocked her, and now, I was challenging her. A minute or two later, she attempted to speak, but all that came out were a bunch of misplaced vowels that were blurted out all at once, making her sound like a confused monkey. She scratched the back of her hair and said, “Well honey, I-I mean, I’m not sure if y-you’re supposed to…uh…” Her voice trailed off and silence conquered the room. She didn’t try to rescue her sentence, but instead, she let
it drown into the unknown and stared at the television as she adjusted my white sheets and pillows, skillfully moving around my lifeless body in avoidance of contracting my airborne disease.“ Hang in there, honey.” She patted my hospital gown-covered shoulder lightly, and gave me a sympathetic look. Anger became everything that was left of me in this mediocre hospital room and before I knew it, I was loudly cursing her to hell. If I’d had something to throw at her, I would have flung it at the back of her curly mopped head. Like a child, I wriggled around in bed screaming and crying and cursing the world for refusing to let me go. I thrashed around like a raged snake, and I’d surely attack anyone who came too close. A fleet of nurses and doctors proceeded inside of my room, and a soothing kind of relief washed over me, instantly cooling down my self-imposed grief. They’d heard my wails and were finally going to give me what my mind needed. I amped up my performance to make the situation direr, but before I could violently kick my legs at any of the nurses, two burly male nurses strapped me down forcefully and stuck a needle in my neck.“This won’t knock you out, sugarplum. It’ll just make you calm down a bit, okay?
Everything will be okay.” She smiled.


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