I have a strange attachment to someone in my life. We’ve been friends for about 8years now and over time, we became inseparable. We were lovers at one point, went back to being friends, but our friendship will always be tainted by countless spent not getting any sleep…it’ll always be tainted by our knowledge of what the other tastes like…what the other feels like. I was supposed to go back home in the beginning of January, but I haven’t been able to find the courage to leave. There’s something about her comfort that makes me feel like the world is order. There’s something about my comfort that makes her feel like everything will be okay. I enjoy the days we get along, even the days we don’t. There’s no one who knows me like her…but she also pisses me off like no one else. I’ve come to the conclusion that I have to go home because I have to make a living and I need to survive, even that means doing it without her. I always think about my life and all the traveling I want to do, but what about her? I’m pretty sure she won’t fit in my luggage. I have all these plans of being a travel journalist, being a teacher in a different country, going on missionary trips, and living life literally on the whim, but I honestly don’t see myself having a partner in this. Sometimes I do, but for the most part, I’m a lone ranger. She always makes it seem like if we’re apart, we’ll lose our closeness but I don’t understand that. I have friends in other states I see every few years and I’m still close as ever with them. I know she’s saying it out of spite, but it still hurts. Unfortunately, I’m made up of love entirely and she didn’t want me to go somewhere just so I could stay with her, it would certainly happen. I enjoy her. She’s my soul mate. How often do you come across that in life?
So, fellow bloggers, my question is…will I lead myself to my own failure trying to maintain a relationship? I kind of think that’s what will happen. Then again, she has her own goals and when she goes to Washington DC, I have no plans of moving there with her…..I’ll just be in New York and we can take trains to see each other. I know, pathetic.